I meant to write an entry last Sunday. It was going to be about the first week of school--chatty notes about how classes were going, the 'we survived the first week' faculty party, and an incident in which I put the smackdown on some students talking about me in the hallway.
The last had actually really ticked me off. Today, I couldn't care less, because in less than a week, my life has completely changed, all because of last Sunday.
I'm sitting here writing this while my daughter sleeps in her bassinet. That sentence alone doesn't cover the enormity of our lives right now.
I have a daughter.
I'd been having some contractions Saturday night--nothing too bad, and fairly far apart, so I went to bed as usual. Contractions woke me up about four the next morning, again, nothing too bad, so I dozed until about 5:30--when my water broke. Contractions started coming faster, so we got up and headed to the hospital. The contractions had stopped by the time we got there, but my water had definitely broken (unlike the week before where I wasn't entirely sure--now I know exactly what it feels like), so they admitted me about seven. Over the course of the day, I discovered that there are lots of things they don't tell you about labor that they probably should ahead of time--and then discovered that none of that mattered.
At 11:59 pm, Katherine Carroll made her appearance in this world, at 7 lbs and 19 1/4 inches.
They laid her on my stomach for a brief moment, long enough for me to see her before whisking her away to the warmer for her Apgar scores, etc., but the thing I remember most about that very moment was the look on her daddy's face--wonder and awe, like he couldn't believe this had just happened. He was completely breathless. He went over and trimmed the cord--the doctor had already cut it, as we had a brief fright because the cord was wrapped twice around her neck, though everything was just fine. They finished tending to me, and he brought her back over to me, and I got my first good look at her.
She was--and is--without a doubt, the most perfect, beautiful thing I've ever seen. Dear Husband and I just looked at one another, and he whispered, "Look, Emmy. We made this."
I don't have words to express the enormity of that emotion--looking down at her, I felt what must be the most pure, all-encompassing, terrifying love that exists.
I also understand my own mother a little bit better.
Monday, her first visitors were our priest and his wife. I'd asked them to come, and Father Phillip leaned over her and gave KC her first blessing, brushing the shape of the cross on her forehead.
Suddenly, I understand Mary, the mother of Jesus, a little better as well. I've prayed more in the last week than I have in a very long time--thanking God for this precious little soul that's been entrusted into our care, asking for strength and guidance to raise her, and asking for every blessing He can bestow on her.
My mother and father-in-law arrived Monday night. They'd packed up the moment DH called to tell them I was in labor and spent the next two days driving down to see her. Having Papaw and Gramma here has been such a blessing to us, especially as we get used to having a newborn.
I am doing well and recovering fairly quickly, though I'm still in some pain, particularly if I move around the wrong way or try to do too much, but I can do a little more each day. Mostly, though, I just want to sit and hold her and look at her little face and watch her little eyes look at everything around her. Those dark blue eyes have a special wisdom in them. My mother always referred to Youngest Brother as having an old soul, and I can see that in KC's eyes.
Little one, your mommy has so many hopes and dreams for you--not about what you will do when you grow up, and not just for you to be healthy and happy. I want you to love deeply and be loved deeply. I want you to choose happiness always. Be merciful, even if you feel like mercy is undeserved. Be kind, even when it's difficult. Look for the stories all around you--in books, movies, and in people. Be a godly woman who follows Christ's laws of love and accepts all, just as He did. Remember that your mommy and daddy are always here for you, no matter what. You can always come to us for anything, and we will listen, and we will always, always love you. You should know, always, that for your mommy and daddy, the day you were born was the best day ever.