I had all these plans for May. We were going to go home and see family, then we were going to come home. I was going to clean house, thoroughly, clean out the closet, study for preliminary exams, get a headstart on my directed reading, and make in-roads into the stack of books on my nightstand.
This didn't actually happen.
We did go home and see family, which took one week of May. Then I ended up sick and was down for almost a week of just being sick and then three or four more days until the antibiotics kicked in good. Most of that time, I spent lying in the guest bed in our office, being pitiful, watching Top Gear, and when I felt well enough, cross-stitching.
It wasn't until this week that I realized...I hadn't read anything.
I suppose that's not true. I reread a couple of romance novels off and on, usually when I was sitting outside watching the charcoal chimney while The Boy prepared the rest of the things to go on the grill (I'm sorry, I don't touch ground beef. I just don't). The thought would occur to me that perhaps I could go sit in the bathtub and read, but I just couldn't drum up the enthusiasm for it because I didn't want to sit and read.
This bothered me a little when I started to think about it. I just didn't want to read. This has never happened to me before. Since when do I not want to read?
Maybe it was partly because most of my reading plans had revolved around preliminary exams. But I couldn't drum up the enthusiasm to dig into the book stack either. I suppose I did read Sizzling Sixteen during finals week, as I had little to do, but once school was out, I said forget it!
I've wondered if I'm hitting a point in my academic career where I'm experiencing the graduate student equivalent of senior-itis. Maybe. I've spent quite a bit of time cross-stitching instead of reading. It's also occurred to me that perhaps this is part of being married--it's easier to sit and cross-stitch and watch TV so I can carry on a conversation with my husband than it is to try to read and do the same thing. Or maybe I'm just tired of reading for the time being. In any case, thoughts from others in the same situation would be welcomed.
Absolutely. I sit and read for my directed reading, then, when I would normally read something fun (during meals, right before bed), I catch myself surfing the Internet or watching TV instead. My brain is burned out and if I think too hard about everything I have to get done this summer, I start to panic. Much as I did right before quals. Geh.
ReplyDeleteAt least it's not just me. I've felt so guilty about not wanting to read, but I just really don't want to. I'm going to make myself sit down and read for prelims this weekend (joy). I figure if I set aside a couple of hours a day to read, I'll be okay. I just have to discipline myself to do it.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I am aware of how the concepts of me and discipline completely do not go together.